i want to be the one you tell everything to at 4am when you can’t sleep
Life with her will be the Fourth of July. Full of fireworks and celebration. You will love life. She’ll kiss you the way the sun kisses your skin when you walk out of her house—just soft enough to give you chills. You will enjoy her. And yourself. She’ll make you forget it’s a Tuesday night because every night with her is a Friday night. You will mistake her eyes for stars because they shine so bright when she catches you staring at her. She’ll make you forget every bad day you’ve ever had and every girl who ever broke your heart. Life will be good.
You’ll feel at home. You’ll feel loved and free for the first time in years. Life with her will change you. Slowly but surely,
you will fall half in love.
Then, when it ends, and it always ends, you will be empty. You I’ll think about her all day. You’ll realize she has leaked into every part of your life. The cracks in your seats will be full of her fallen hairs. The bend of your knee will be outlined with her knee because you always wrapped your leg up in hers. Your lips will taste like her lipstick every time you lick them. And every single time you close your eyes you will see hers. You will see her favorite number everywhere you look. You’ll be reminded of her by every sad song you sing on the way home from work. You’ll scream her name and hate yourself because it still tastes as sweet as her skin that hot Fourth of July when you almost told her you loved her.
You will lose yourself. And then find yourself on your tailgate getting drunk on cheap beer listening to discount fireworks in the distance. Funny how they sound like your heart battling your mind. You’ll laugh because you think you’re the winner here. But you’ve been a loser all your life.
The sun will set. You will lose sleep thinking about what’s wrong with you. You will regret overusing “you’re beautiful” and never saying you love her. You’ll fall asleep whispering, “I gave you my heart.”
You will wake up and it will start all over.
C, the 5th of July (via coltonsnead)
I live for Colton’s poetry
Dear Future Soulmate,
I’m clingy, but I’ll never admit it. I’ll check my phone every 5 minutes to see if you’ve replied to something I’ve drafted numerous times in my head. I’ll get anxious when you don’t answer me back for a long time, and I’ll think to myself maybe you’ve had enough of me. Yet when your message finally comes, it doesn’t matter what you’ve said because the simple act of replying assures me that you’re still mine. At least, for the time being it will.
I’ll get jealous a lot, but please don’t misconstrue it as me tying you down. I won’t get jealous because I want you all to myself, no. I want you to be able spend time with family, friends, and everyone else in between. I’ll get jealous because maybe, just maybe you’ll find something special in someone else, as you did with me. I’ll be weary that maybe you’ll look at someone just as how you look at me, or your heart will begin to wander somewhere else.
I’m insecure, and it’s of no fault of your own. When I say something a little negative about myself, it’s not a cry for attention nor is it me wanting you to disagree with me. It’s me just being me. Before you, I’ll probably never imagine in a million years that you’d be mine. So by virtue of the fact that we’re together makes me even more insecure. But let me make something clear, I won’t be bagging on myself all the time. I know what talents I possess, what I excel in, the aspects in my physique that work in my favor, and so on. I’m just more vocal on the things which fall in the opposite categories.
I’ll possess many faults, and I’m not looking for you to fix them. I think when I finally meet you, I’ll be more accepting of these faults than I am now. All I’m asking is that you accept them with me.
I know this letter seems to be focusing on the negative things about me, and it’s quite a bit to take in… so let me make a change of pace.
I’ll always love you. When we’re finally acquainted, and we finally begin to personify the definition of love for one another, I’ll never need another definition. I’ve told myself countless times that I would never cheat on someone because I know what that feels like. I’ll love you more than I love myself and I know that isn’t too great but that’s just how I am. I’m going to fall in love with the way your smile dances across your face every time you see me, I’ll fall in love with the way you lose yourself in the things you love, I’ll fall in love with the way your voice fluctuates depending on how you’re feeling, I’ll fall in love with the way you say my name, and I’ll most definitely fall in love with so much more. I’ll study everything about you, I’ll remember the slightest details about you and your life. I’ll know what you look like when you’re upset without you having to say a word, I’ll know how you like your coffee in the morning, I’ll know how long it takes you to get ready before we go out, I’ll know most of the trivial things about you and the rest I’ll learn along the way. I pray you’ll be able to do the same as well.If you’re still reading, and you haven’t run away… I’ll probably be sitting across from you looking insanely nervous and insecure. I’d be sitting with my legs folded under me on the chair anxiously waiting for your reaction. On top of that I’ll probably be ready to burst into tears of happiness or tears of sadness.
So to end this letter, which my actual soulmate will read once the time comes… I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a reason to live again, thank you for proving to me that love really is meant for me, and thank you for being my reason to be alive.